me time is tea time

Right now I am sitting in a dimly lit and smoke filled pub, seat awkwardly at the bar stool, my laptop open and exposed to my Gmail account next to a plate of mystery meat on a skewer which I thought would be a chicken breast upon ordering. Nevertheless it is tasty, although I am always nervous I will be the butt of some bad European joke.
I feel disconnected without the Internet, email, phone and wondered aimlessly, finally stumbling upon a sign that boasted FREE WIRELESS INTERNET! To my surprise, this is a bar, not some quaint cafe that sells homemade cakes and sandwiches, but I was too buy gaping at the naked man/woman mural to notice the smiley owner who asked more than once if I needed assistance. "How much is your internet?" I blurted. The only English sign in town and I screw it up.
The bartender is cross eyed and doesn't speak much English. He handed me my "culinary tools" and is standing right now behind the bar and to my left. I can't figure out if he is trying to stare or catch my attention or be observant, or finally if his crossed eyes are just a confusion for me.

The bartenders just asked me if they said "Hairy each other" or "carry each other" (in the song One Love by U2). :)!